The internet is scheduling Mark Zuckerberg’s announcement of Meta

Photo credit: Elaine Chung

Photo credit: Elaine Chung

Happy Friday, dear reader. We’re all going to die.

Everyone’s favorite shill for Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce, the mass of synthetic meat and bones we call Mark Zuckerberg, emerged from the digital underworld to make another terrifying announcement. Thursday, in Facebook’s virtual reality and augmented reality conference, Facebook Connect, the recently released west world host has announced that the company will change its name to Meta β€” and put extra focus on its virtual reality hellscape, the Metaverse.

“I thought a lot about our identity as we started this next chapter. Facebook is one of the most widely used products in the history of the world,” Zuckerberg said. β€œIt’s an iconic social media brand, but increasingly it doesn’t encompass everything we do.

Well, what does Facebook-eh, metaβ€” do it, Marc? There is something called the Metaverse. You can see it in the announcement video. It’s our future virtual paradise where we can escape via an overpriced headset when our planet is on fire and we have to hide underground for safety. Don’t worry – you can play games and wear fun hoodies and float in space and consider leaving your family behind forever to hang out with a big robot in the Metaverse! It’s OK. Don’t think too much about it.

“We live for what we build,” Zuckerberg added. “And as we make mistakes, we keep learning and building and moving forward.”

If that isn’t responsibility for years of dealing with pesky, whistleblower, and privacy issues, then I don’t know what is! Anyway. We, the people of this doomed earth, make memes about the whole thing. And we are afraid. We’re scared and we make memes. Here are the best of them.

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