In The buzz cut, we bring you a summary of the news that you wish not to be news.
The “person of the year” represents a small step for the man and a giant step for Manchild
Everyone’s favorite tech overlord is 2021 ‘Person of the Year’ for ‘creating solutions to an existential crisis, for embodying the possibilities and dangers of the age of tech titans, for leading the most daring and disruptive transformations in society, ”the magazine noted. The esteemed Disruptor of Transformations created bold solutions to existential crises by sending a car into space, followed by a crew of people who had no reason to be there for the fun of it. The tech titan has also become the richest person in the world not only in the present, but in all of history – and continues to rock the the status quo by accepting payment in Dogecoin. He’s the most beloved of the technical brethren for taking ideas that seem like they came from a four-year-old and making it a reality the world is now seriously grappling with. Neil Armstrong, may he rest in peace, trembles.
CEO predicts meetings in Metaverse, where claim people will amass real wealth
The Metaverse joins NFT in the Hall of Fame of “how did we, as a company, agree to take this seriously”. And it’s thanks to the tech bros that we can now expect “meetings in the metaverse,” as one CEO speculated. But many questions abound. First, what is the appropriate dress code for the Metaverse? The costumes went into a slight panic, wondering if the Meta-Armani outfits and the Meta-Patek Philippe watches would feel quite the same in VR. Etiquette issues aside, men eagerly await all the creative opportunities the Metaverse offers to make decisions that can either come up with more ideas like this, or accumulate more wealth at the top, or both. Rumors suggest the next invention will be Instant Virtual Food Delivery, where food arrives in the Metaverse and feeds Meta-people within seconds.
A cis woman plays a trans character and generously leaves cis characters to trans actors
A cis woman whose recent acting affair involved playing a trans woman in a movie said she hopes trans people can one day play a cis role. “Why should we hold them back and make them only trans parts?” She asked, after graciously agreeing to one of Bollywood’s only “trans parties”. Her valiant sacrifice in leaving a void in traditional roles for trans actors to fill was widely admired by her fellow cis actors, who would never let this go but still vigorously showed their alliance.
Man who played “Gone Girl” accuses ex-wife of alcoholism
An actor recently spoke candidly about his divorce from his ex-wife. Saying that he felt “trapped” in the marriage, he implied that he would have continued to drink if he had remained married to her. Such shirking of personal responsibility affectionately reminded many of his character in Missing girl, which ultimately led his on-screen wife to massive and deadly efforts. The actor clarified in another interview that what he said was not what he meant. Nobody knows if he’s him or his on-screen character, or both, or neither.
Pop star gets Ms Worldwide title as she wears yet another race as a costume
You’ve heard of Mr. Worldwide, now get ready for Mrs. Worldwide. One star, who can miraculously be white, black, Latin and now East Asian, has managed to make herself completely racially ambiguous. The singer is said to have transcended race and achieved world peace and unity through all of her costumes. But the world, unfortunately, was not ready – forcing the artist to delete photos of her that clearly looked like monolis. She truly is the hero we needed but didn’t deserve.